Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The uberlube is also flammable
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
