Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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