Sry I called you an 8
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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