note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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