he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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