Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize