I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
