Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
