I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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