just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
