I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
