He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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