I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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