garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
