Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
