i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
