my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
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I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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