these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
