On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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