you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
