I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
