She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize