Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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