i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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