Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
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They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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