Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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