You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
