I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
