nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
