He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
