he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
