I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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