I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
