I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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