Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
