you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
