i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
How external is "for external use only"?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
