Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize