Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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