I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
