sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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