Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
