I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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