Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
