No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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