i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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