Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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