Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
