Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I want her autograph on my taint
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
