Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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