I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
