Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
