me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you traded sex for a burrito?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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