Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
