so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
