Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
