the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Im part way to drunk.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
