im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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